Stupid Love
by Anguish of My Love
Summary: Ruka's panicking over his love for Hotaru. He just can't seem to put his mind off her. Could an afternoon with her help him? Or maybe make him worse? RukaxHotaru


Disclaimer: I know I could never own Gakuen Alice (Alice Academy for some) or anything else so don't rub it in.

~*~

_Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ Ruka shouted in his mind. Really, he would scream it out loud but he isn't known for his insanity. _Why her?! And of all people, too!! We're talking about Hotaru Imai here, there's no way in hell, absolutely _no way_ in this treacherous place for _me_ to actually like that girl!!_

Ruka Nogi was currently pacing around his room, in total panic mode. He truly didn't realize he was mumbling his thoughts. He was in hysterics, not usual for someone who was usually calm. But he honestly didn't care so he continued with his act. And by act, I meant him going about and mutter, accompanied by an occasional slap on his head or clutch of it. This started nearly 5 minutes ago and he didn't make any sign of stopping any soon. The fact just can't seem to make sense to him. Because, seriously, it didn't make sense at all.

_I mean, _he thought, standing still for a moment._ She takes almost all of her pleasure blackmailing me in every way possible. All she ever does to me is torture. Utter, despicable torture. She's cold. Heartless, even. She's not likable at all._

Ruka, however, couldn't stop himself from listing her good traits. He knew she wasn't heartless. Hotaru was, in fact, far from it. She cared for her friends a lot more than others gave her credit for. The way she treated others blocked the fact from everyone, well, except for Mikan. She appeared absolutely ruthless, that way, no one would know she was just as thoughtful as her best friend was. He could see, somehow, how her eyes would always have a very vague sign of concern when something would happen to Mikan, even Natsume or Sumire.

And her eyes, Dear Lord, they were beautiful. They held a luscious color of amethyst. Even when they held an emotionless gaze, he couldn't resist not looking at them, even if only for a second. Yes, he was _that_ desperate. But they were really magnificent, so how could he possibly ignore them? He would choose them over any priceless jewel. They held life, no matter what anyone else said, he can see it when her eyes sparkled, when there were subtle hints of emotion in them. He would trade anything for them.

She also had a gorgeous smile. It didn't even need to be genuine. Her smirks, those amused grins, devious or not, they all made her shine. Simply because they were her and only her. That was why he entertained her plans, just so he could see the corner of her mouth twitch up. They were angelic, and to him, they always would be. That was why he fought with her. So he would see her smirk in victory, smile in amusement when he made a lame comeback, grin in pride when she sees him lose at yet another argument, and they were all directed at him and no one else.

He stopped the sentence there. It took him a few moments to register all he had thought. Did he really think of all that? Was he really that hopeless with Hotaru?

Ruka went to his study table and took a picture that was standing proudly. It was a picture of the gang. His focus, however, was only on Hotaru. As usual, she looked impassive. Her eyes were on Mikan, as the said girl was trying at another pitiful attempt to talk to Natsume. Her mouth was in a straight line, but if you really looked hard, you would see a faint smile on. They were in a park, which Ruka had never cared enough to remember where or what its name was. She was in casual, a plain white t-shirt with a blue turtle-necked jacket on. She was clad in jeans that stopped a few inches below her knees. On her feet were white flats and she had a misanga (For those of you who don't know, it's sorta like a friendship bracelet) around her left heel.

"Yes," he answered his own question dejectedly, "I'm a hopeless love-sick puppy."

He sighed and flopped down his bed. His eyes were looking up the ceiling with obvious frustration. A deep scowl was etched across his face, though it had already been there all morning. And his eyebrows were knitted. He was annoyed with himself for being so wrapped up with his supposed tormentor, annoyed at Hotaru for being in his life, annoyed with love for making him this way. Technically, he's just annoyed at everything.

Anyone could plainly see the fact that this is the first time Ruka actually fell in love with someone. What he felt for Mikan wasn't love, if that's what you're thinking. It was more on strong like. Though, it took Ruka a few months to realize that. Just about the time he started to have feelings for Hotaru. But then again, he didn't want to remember that.

"Ughh!!" Ruka pushed himself up and sat on the edge of his bed. 'Why the hell am I thinking about her? She's not special or anything! I don't want to end up a lonely gent!'

Ruka just kept denying himself. He knew Hotaru was special. Even if everyone here is, that doesn't mean she isn't different from all the rest. Her way of showing concern and care is a whole lot more different. The way she acts and talks is different. Her beauty is accepted differently. He always thought she was one of a kind, whether it was a good thing or not.

'But still,' he reasoned, 'she's cruel and evil in every way possible.'

That fact couldn't be denied. Sure, he was exaggerating a bit, but that doesn't mean she doesn't relentlessly torture him. But even if that was true, his heart screamed that it didn't matter. If she wasn't daily tormenting him, then that wouldn't be Hotaru. If he fell in love with her, then he fell in love with who she was, whether she was cruel or not. It was so hard not to, anyway.

"Shut it!" he murmured to himself (Something like shouting to yourself except you keep your volume down a bit...). "I am _not_ going to continue this anymore!" He stood up, abruptly and headed to the door.

When he got outside, he chose a random direction and stomped to wherever. He was grumbling to himself along the lines of stupid, impossible, can't believe, Hotaru, and many, many more words. His eyes were glued to the floor and his eyebrows still remained knitted together. His fists were clenched and were nearly white. His steps were heavy and so was his aura.

"If you had raven hair instead of being a blonde, I could've easily said you were Hyūga. But I guess he can be an influence, huh?" a flat voice uttered behind him.

"Imai." He looked at the ground and furrowed his eyebrows even more in rage at his bad luck. "I think it would be great if I have some privacy right now."

"I see you need Anger Management right now." Hotaru went closer to him. "Tell me, what could possibly make someone who is commonly so calm into a person whose anger can match Hyūga's?" her voice was full of inquiry.

"Maybe another time." It took almost all of Ruka's willpower to stop the blush that was creeping up his face.

It almost worked. Almost.

"My, Nogi, I believe that you are," Ruka could already sense the amusement in her voice. And definitely also the teasing manner. "Blushing?"

He really didn't want to answer, so he didn't. He just looked around the place he managed to arrive in. It was one of those fields that were near a certain forest. Flowers were scattered everywhere. There weren't many places with as much of those as this, usually they would only be field by either grass or wheat. It's a nice place to stay in. Now that he think about it, the weather was good, too. This was a great place to relax.

And to enjoy a day with special people.

_Idiot! You're going at it again!!_ Ruka groaned. _All I wanted was a nice peaceful place where I wouldn't constantly be thinking of Imai as something more than my frienemy._ (Got that word from somewhere. Means like friend and enemy, you know.)

He collapsed down the grass and kept his face buried under his hands. And kept it that way. He was irritated at everything. Maybe he really should take Anger Management. But it probably won't work, so no use anyway. All he really needed right now was the rest of the day with absolutely nothing to do with Hotaru and his feelings for her. Or for Hotaru to say she felt the same, but it won't happen so never mind. But fate just didn't like it that way. It just _had _to make the said girl appear infront of him and make his stomach get butterflies. Fate sucks.

"But really, why are you so agitated? You're worse now than when you found out that Mikan chose Hyūga over you."

Oh, and Hotaru sucks, too. Not always, though.

"Nothing. I just have a bad day, okay?" Ruka put his hands down and saw that she was sitting beside him.

Hotaru just sighed. The boy can be stubborn at times. She was here, being genuinely nice for the first time, and he blows it off. She doesn't even half understand why she's showing her concern right now.

_I guess,_ she thought, _it just feels so relaxing here. It's probably giving me the feeling of calmness._

Too bad Ruka isn't any more calm than before.

"If you really don't want to talk about it, then you don't want to talk about it." She breathed out.

Hotaru hugged her legs and placed her chin on top of them. Her gaze was forward, down to the flowers to be particular. She just watched as they swayed along the soft breeze. She never got to do things like these so she'd better start now. It was relaxing so she didn't mind. Maybe sometime, she would go with Mikan whenever she wanted to go out just to watch sceneries. That'd be nice. It made her so peaceful.

But apparently, Ruka was nowhere near as serene as Hotaru was right now. He found it nerve-wracking to have her very close to him. It wasn't dangerously close, but she never really did get near him before. Even though his heartbeat was just a bit more normal now, it still had the unusual rate. He had the urge to pull her close to him. Savor the feel of her skin and her smell. And the fact that scenes of him and her that looked like they came from romance stories kept popping in his head didn't help much at all. It just made things worse. Clearly, he'd be anywhere but here. Even though he's not showing any signs of actually leaving.

The silence they had wasn't uncomfortable. But it wasn't comforting, either. It was just, well, there. They seemed alright with having it there. They didn't talk much to each other, anyhow. Both had actually wanted to say something, but they didn't have enough courage to do so. Nor did they have anything to say. So the silence stayed.

And all the while, Ruka would give her a sideway glance every now and then. When she seemed in another world, he would look at her for a little bit longer. It wasn't only because he liked her, seeing Hotaru so relaxed and happy was a rare thing to see. So he took every opportunity to look at her. It was a nice site. So maybe this situation isn't so bad, after all.

_Now that I think about it, _Ruka thought, _if Imai's there, any situation isn't all completely bad to me._

And it was true. Having Hotaru there had made him feel reassured. It was freaky and pleasant at the same time. He would often wonder how he came to have her as his comfort. He guessed it was one of the many things love made him feel and think.

_I don't understand these kind of things,_ Ruka sat up and used his hands to support him as he leaned back, _And I'm almost afraid to._

Sighing, he looks at Hotaru for another time.

She probably didn't notice it but she had a faint smile on. And it was a lot more obvious than the others she wore. She was so much more peaceful than Ruka had ever seen in his whole life. Nothing could possibly ruin her from this state. Atleast not if he could help it, it was too pleasing to destroy.

"Nee, Imai." he suddenly said. Cursing in his mind for ruining the serenity, he hoped she didn't hear him.

"Hn?" Hotaru subconsciously answered back.

Ruka inwardly sighed in relief. Atleast she's still happy.

"I was just wondering," he paused. He didn't really have anything to say or ask. "Umm, why're you here? Usually, you'd be in your lab doing some sort of experiment. Either that, or with Mikan."

She looked at him. Her head tilted slightly to the side. Ruka wished now more than ever that he brought his camera with him. Hotaru's actions were just too rare and cute to pass up.

_The hell??_ Ruka thought. _Did I just call Imai cute??_

"Well," said girl interrupted him in his thoughts. "The lab had surprisingly had a black-out. There was nothing I could see there. And my window was blocked by something I could care less about so there was no way for me to do anything there. And the idiot was with Hyūga the last time I saw her, not much of a shock there."

"Fairly obvious." Ruka looked up to the clouds.

He could never strike up a conversation with the inventor. Whenever he said or asked something, she would give a straightforward answer. Something wherein he just couldn't answer anything. It was hopeless to have a talk with her that would last for more than four sentences. Not unless it was related to school or that you were Mikan Sakura.

Ruka sat there, indulging himself with thoughts of Hotaru. Again. Really, he should be used to this. She's on his head 24/7, anyway. He's not, sadly. He just won't accept the fact of how much he loved the girl. Many, by now, would've accepted the fact, if only Ruka was one of those people.

Atleast he wasn't making such a huge fuss over it now. Well not as much as _before_.

"Where are those two going?" Ruka asked out loud. "A café or to the movies?"

"Hmm?" she looked at him.

He thanked the heavens Hotaru wasn't really paying attention. Because right about now, a new blush appeared in his cheeks.

"I'm not sure." She barely whispered. "Maybe to a café or something like that. She never really tells me much about it before the actual date. I never really asked either. "

"Oh." He looked up the sky. "Neither have I."

Ruka suddenly lied down the grass and spread his arms. He didn't look as disturbed as he was moments ago but a small frown stayed in place.

"Imai, ever thought of going out with someone before?" he surprised both of them by asking that question.

"Why do you want to know?"

"No reason, I guess." He knew he was lying. "Just…. wondering, you know?"

"Well," she leaned back. "Not really. Maybe it passed my mind before, I just never really acknowledged the thought."

"Hmm." He mumbled. "How about ever liking someone before?" Okay, now he was just really freaking her, most especially himself, out.

"Like more than a friend?" Hotaru wasn't sure if she should answer that. Maybe she shouldn't answer at all. "Umm, you……y-you know….."

"You don't have to say it if you don't want to, though." he paused. "I was just wondering, anyway."

"Why are you asking me these kinds of questions?"

"It's just that….. something's been bothering me lately." _More like a long time now._ "I guess I needed to ask something like that."

"Something? Are you interested in someone?" she put her legs flat on the ground

"I love you." he blurted out.

The two froze at the sudden confession with running thoughts in their minds. _Idiot! Idiot! Idiot! Idiot!_ was the only thing that kept repeating in Ruka's. In Hotaru's, it was more of jumbled thoughts. Her mind was casting out too many thoughts about it. She was stunned.

But to tell you the truth, she already knew. She always did. It was obvious and she had sharp eyes. She figured it out long before he did. She was just taken aback by how early and blunt he was. She knew it wasn't on purpose, though.

After a few minutes, Hotaru regained composure. Ruka……. almost did.

"I-I know." she whispered.

Ruka almost refroze again with what she stated.

"What?"

"I knew. Before you knew, even." She held her gaze to him.

"Then," he sat up. "W-Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't want to make things complicated."

_She saw it. Before I was even aware of it._

He turned his gaze forward and felt confused. She never mentioned it, never hinted about it. Her reason was understandable but it somehow made things harder for him. He never really grasped that feeling, it was more of assuming it. The declaration was just confirmation. He never did try to understand his feelings before. Even what he felt for Mikan, he just assumed it was love.

But then again, things really _would_ be complicated if she told him how he felt. It would make things awkward and so unrealistic. She realized it without him noticing. Maybe it was better letting him do the realizing himself.

_But what did she feel?_ He wondered. _She never said whether the emotion was mutual or not. She probably doesn't feel the same way._

He had constantly told himself that but the happening now made it seem like she _could_ feel the same way. In his thoughts, anyway.

Hotaru, who was also looking ahead, turned to him again. His face was etched with confusion and she instantly knew what was in his mind.

"Nogi," said boy snapped his attention to her. "Just in case you're wondering….."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. _Well, this is it._ "…I love you, too."

Opening her eyes, she saw Ruka gaping at her. But gaping isn't really the right word. It was more of sitting there with wide eyes. Tentatively, she inched nearer to him and placed her lips on him.

It was a soft gentle kiss. Her mouth was only lightly on his. And when Ruka sensed that she was about to pull away, he placed his arm around her small frame and placed the other hand behind her head. He tilted his head to the side and pressed his lips harder on hers. Feeling his reaction, she snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him ever so slightly towards her

After what felt like eternity to the couple, Hotaru pulled away and smiled at him.

"Ruka."

His face broke out into a smile and hugged the girl to him. He murmured her name and hid his face in her hair, breathing in her scent.

Maybe falling inlove with Hotaru Imai wasn't as bad as he thought.


End file.
